By hook or by cook.

Oh hello you.

Yes. The BMT phase is over. Our postings are out. So I am a combat engineer. Sound cool doesn't it? It may be, it may not be. But I do envy my other bunkmates. Especially those that went to command school. About 3/4 of our bunk made it to command school. SCS and OCS.

 Somehow thinking about it, why am I not in command school? What did I do to deserve this? What didn't I do to get it? All these questions simply debase my self-esteem. I know I wasn't cocky, I was confident. Maybe I am not good enough? What am I lacking? Was it sit test? I rated my bunkmates highly did they do the same? Am I a bad leader? Am I just overall bad because I am a huge cock? All these questions race through my mind and I know that the answers may never come to me anytime soon.

So in that light, I gave myself this answer: I am the product of my own excellence. Whatever "excellence" that may be. Thus, I have come to accept that I didn't do my best at that point of time. In my next unit, I ought to strive to do my best in every manner possible.

I don't want to lose out anymore. Too many a time I have become second to someone. This has to stop. I want it to stop. Do you believe in luck? I must be borne with an unlucky angel. But no lady luck. I am to win her back. I won't know how but it will happen. By hook or by cook.

 On a side note, what I will not do is lament in jealousy and envy while at Jurong camp. Shall embrace this unit with open arms. Know new people, make new friends but most importantly, make an impact. It will only feel like a failure if I do not make a profound impact. That is what matters to me the most. Combat engineers, here I come.

 Found myself writing this.