Problem child.

Problems. Children. Problem child.

So, what if I am still childlike? So, what if I still have problems with myself? Surely they are none of your business.

Unrelated quotes aside, now is the time to post and keep track of time. It is 1st July. Almost 2 months have passed since I entered military life. Adjustment was easy, but changing myself wasn't. From the start, I knew damn well I had a really bad problem with remembering things and getting things right. Simply put in a colloquial sense, I "cock-up" on a regular basis. One of those cock-ups costed me one of my weekends. I don't know if I have changed since then, but I know damn well I still want to.

Though, next week being my last week of Basic Military Training (BMT), I do sense some form of change within myself. Being appointed platoon IC on such short notice unexpectedly lifted my game up. I was oblivious to it, but now I realise that my cocking-up is reducing. I still do make mistakes, but they are not cock-ups.

To set things on a clearer note, here is my definition of cock up and making a mistake.
Cock-up: To do something but with unexpected or unlucky consequences, e.g forgetting to bring things, do things that is sub-standard among others.
Mistakes: Things I am supposed to do properly such as giving commands and instructions but not doing them the way that is expected of my commanders.

There is a very subtle nuance to the two, and please do note that how I perceive them may not concur with how you my dear reader would. But do acknowledge that in my perception of the two words, it does aid me in improving myself as a better person and leader.

With that said, I can happily tell myself that yes, I am changing as a person and a leader. I am very glad , but it is hard to show this change. It has not been long since it happened, oh hell its only been 2 days since I realised it. Hopefully, this change will shape me into someone better and become part of me.

This internal change I can safely say will be one of the things that will make me happy but I've yet to reach the goals that I set for myself, specifically, my physical goals. Physical change takes quite a while to take effect so I shouldn't set my hopes up too high. Ideally, I would see it by late November or mid December. In that light, I'd probably have only 6 months left to achieve these goals. Not worried, but still determined. My initial drive is fading yet this is not a good enough reason to stop heading towards these goals.

The year has gone by steadily, and we are mid-way through. Still plenty of things to do and things to get done. God bless, I'll get to OCS. That phase will be different chapter on its own.

I'll draw this post to a close soon. Just a few things I need to mention about leadership. After hearing what 2LT Wei Hong had to say about leadership to the platoon, I almost forgot the one thing that I enjoyed doing and wanted to live for; making impacts. As platoon IC, I hope to make an impact as well. I'd like them to know that leadership is can be viewed as a position, to some people, a skill. But leadership in oneself, is essentially a journey that does not have a clear end. Being a leader will place you in a perpetual state of learning through experience. Every experience to be treasured and not resented. Hopefully this is enough to make an impact on my platoon.

With nothing more, found myself writing this.