No One Is Reading

I think maybe, I've been driven up to a wall and no one cares.
Or at least it's how I feel.
I have no 2 hearts who care how I feel at the moment. But I tried not to mind it.
I'll be extremely honest in this post. I know no one has been reading my blog. It's just, the way I feel, I feel EXTREMELY fed up of telling other people. When things go down, I won't say a word in school. I'll say it here. Because that's when my thoughts roam freely like a thunderstorm whipping lightnings on the earth.

Didn't sleep since sunday NIGHT.
I stayed up the whole morning just to get SS project done.
Which I'm proud to have done.
Did not get any sleep at all.
Since... about 3-4 in the afternoon until school starts.
I cooked for myself 3 eggs, so well-done.
I loved it, and coupled it with cereal.

Put on my glasses and my new bag, and my new shoes and left for school early.
Saw Dominic at the 172 bus line.
Was hoping for LY to get on the bus. Alas, she wasn't there. I didn't mind it.
Later when I got to school, I had the first reception of my new look, Syafiq merely asked about it.
Then I sat down with Kok Wee, Terrence and Gerald to talk for a while.
Jian Ping took the look of me wearing glasses with laughter. I didn't mind it.
As expected, I saw a lot of people chionging to get holiday work done.
Then, as we were going up, I saw Syazwan, Afifi, Hafiz, Khairi, Farhan and they took my new look with a positive reception. Somehow, I earned the name "professor". But not even I know what good I looked like.
Then up in the hall, sat down, not much people cared about my new look but I'm not asking for a crowd. One thing I noticed in particular, Xuelin's arm was... it looked like it's been hit by chickenpox, or something of the like. I wondered what happened. Until I gave the idea that she must have gone for OBS. She was as chipper as she normally would.
Ahh... the innocence of youth. One that I've wasted so long ago.
She turned behind to talk to Kathleen and was facing me and I was looking at her and she gave me a sort of fixed and sort of stoic look. I thought it was because of my glasses, but I thought she must have had been looking at something else because she didn't even, say anything or gesture.

Assembly. Almost fell asleep. Back to school greetings etc... New teachers. YAY MISS HAP!!!
She's very influential. Later, the awards were given for the Entrepeneurship course. I felt so happy because I was there, I felt I had done my part to earn the gold for best retailing store or something. Best banner also win. If you remember, I helped to present the banner, and the banner itself was rather well done too. As for best retail store, I only worked on second day, but I've been told, "we really needed you on first day."
Felt happy as the prizes were given and taken.

Afterwards, went to meet Ms Chen for the Superband details. Our audition is on Saturday, 10 or so. I hope No Strings Attached does well! :D

Zhang Lao Shi gave us the timetable for today.
It was...
Lit x2/SS x2/recess/Maths x2/EL/Physics x2
Awfully short I believe.

Literature. There was no teacher for like, 30 minutes or so. So we all waited outside the library like guttersnipes waiting for the free food. Me, Danial and Wei Xuan talked about Runescape. I couldn't talk too much. I tried sitting down with Andrea/XL/LY, hopefully I'd be a lot more... social. No, it was a lie. I sat down, LY didn't seem to like my coming, not sure about Andrea, XL has forgotten how to say hi to me. It was depressing to sit with them. They all talked about OBS. While I was left in the dark, as if I blended into it. If I complained that we have nothing to talk about, it's because ITS FUCKING HARD to relate to them to talk about anything. We seem so distant from each other. Now it's almost everything. They still consider me part of the clique. I felt that I was like a hi-bye friend. Finally, Mr Ang let us in the library to let us read books for a while. Even before we got a book, Ms Lee came along and "retrieved" us.

Went into the small room there where there was a table like the ones you'd find when you go to a royal place for dinner. It was long and had many seats. Only the guys didn't sit down at the table. We sat at the bench. Looking left out, because we had felt that so many times over. It was practically read along session, each one of us read a paragraph of "The Martyrdom of Helena Rodrigues". My inputs were on knowing the definitions of "Immolation" and "Martyrdom". I felt so down. I felt so distant. I felt trapped on an island. I sat behind the people I called friends dearly. I saw their bond. I wondered where was mine. But it didn't matter. I always compromised my happiness for theirs. To them, their my first priority, even if I had to die first to save them. And in return, I would get. Nothing. And I'd jump off a cliff for them. I wondered how that was alright. And I was not during the reading session. When my turn came along, this sudden persona came up and read the paragraph well. Others may think that it was good reading. But it just came up. I still felt isolated on that island afterwards.

SS. Smell of new paint greeted students. Then, we took our seats. I was still on that island. The globe revolves but I'm still stuck where I am. Learned about bonding Singapore. I didn't make me feel any better that they were talking about a religious conflicts between Islam and Christianity. It didn't make me feel any better one bit. I felt that both sides of the religions were given a bad face. Especially by many of the students listening. I fell asleep one time. Then I woke up. I wasn't in the right mood. No one could pick it up. Allan only knew I felt "sian" but that's his own fucking definition.

Recess. I sat down somewhere. Adzdzin was somewhat surprised at my glasses. I sat down despondent. Sharifah picked it up fast. She wanted me to feel better and tell her about it. But honestly...

I FEEL TIRED OF TELLING PEOPLE HOW I FEEL.
DONT YOU GUYS EVER REALISE YOUR INPUT IN MY LIFE IS FUCKING MINIMAL!?

I went to the second floor and sulked and emo-ed by myself. Fucked up self.

Whilst waiting for the next period, which was A maths/POA, we all saw Mr Chan. And boy were we amused. Some laughed, some held back laughter. I for one couldn't even laugh. I'm still stuck on an island where ships pass by without taking a look on broadside. Took my things. Went for POA. Some teacher asked me where the POA class was. Guided her there.

POA. Learned about Bad debts. I fell asleep for that lesson. I only woke up to answer a question I was not asked which I still got correct. I had the feeling with me during POA lesson. Still on that island. When I finally woke up, I was feeling a little better. Because I had not said a word to anyone at all until POA class. I felt a little better talking to Shi Jie. He never seemed to forget I was around. He was the first friend I made in Secondary school. Ever. I'm grateful for him. Afterwards, I felt that I've been picked up by a boat. I got off that island trying not to ever stir up thoughts about it.

Maths. Saw Mr Chan's WONDERFUL hair and I was back in my definitive mood. Happy, chipper, energetic. Loved his hair. Mr Chan didn't give us a lesson. He just talked to us about his honeymoon. Which costed about 10k to him. Awesome. He also told us he had no time to plan a lesson, and that he felt very warm.

First, he went to Amsterdam. He asked, what is Amsterdam famous for? Arun said "what? Hamster?" But, Amsterdam is famous for one thing. Red Light District. And when I saw that written down, I got all "AWW!!! DAMN!!!" NICE!" I'm not sure if everyone in class is familiar with what a red light district is.

Afterwards, he went to Basel, in Switzerland. He told us the people were very nice there. He also watched a match, Turkey vs Switzerland. Switzerland lost, he said Turkey played well. Must have had been good to watch the match with other fans there.

Then he went to Nice in France. But was only there for a while to get to Paris. Where all the branded stuff like Louis Vuitton is sold. He told us the Eiffel Tower isn't all that. But he also told us thatthe French were very arrogant, proud. He didn't like the feeling of that though.

Afterwards, he went to Milan in Italy. He said that there were a lot of pickpockets and con artists there. He also explained of how he got conned. Shan't explain here. He also explained about how small the coliseum was in Rome. Also explained about Vatican City.

Then he went back to The Netherlands for his flight back to Singapore. But then he had to go back to Italy to fly back to Singapore.

And explained that the flight had lost his luggage. With all his belongings in it. And was unable to show the pictures he took at Europe.

Afterwards he talked about more serious issues. Which I don't remember.

English. New teacher came in. Fell asleep. New teacher didn't care. Didn't even catch her name.

Physics. Mr Kerk came in. Fell asleep again. I regret. He thought us something new and I wasn't paying attention. Fuck man.

Afterwards, dismissed.
I checked 3E for CCA. No one was there. I went to the hall. I saw Nway2 and LY walking to the toilet and I felt this "FUCK OFF" feeling from LY. She's been bitchy these days. Not the once innocent girl I once knew. Looking at her stirred up feelings of being on that island.

Folkdance. Fun fun fun fun. I was high. Felt damn high, felt like dancing, and gave an occasional "HOO!!!" cry. I was hoping everyone would have fun. I turned back and looked at LY and she still gave me the look "FUCK OFF". I only wonder what's on her mind.

Took a break. Went down to the canteen to get a drink. Sharifah noticed my change in mood. And she was happy. I'm glad for people like her. She notices the slightest change in anyone.
On the way back up, she hid his face from some girl passing by. I asked why, he said "hide me from her ugliness. She's so ugly, that if I put her face on my room, sure cannot kena rob one." Man, I miss his jokes. It's so, signature. His style.

Got back up and saw people doing the Quando Quando already. Shortly afterwards, lesson was over and we were briefed on the costume. No details revealed here.

Later, I followed Nway2 and LY so that they could buy something to eat. The guy who made the waffles for them looked a bit like Zi Yan. He was also rather inept. Later, Azura, Ain,Hani, Shi Jie and Faith came along. Azura asked for a dollar and I gave it to her.

Then went to the bus stop. LY and Nway2 were, making so much noise to the NA people. Honestly, I recall of what I thought. She's been bitchier. Making noises like Ah Lians.

Then on the bus, sat with Hani,Ain and LY. Fell asleep. No one talked much. Woke up, LY looked cute asleep. Honest thought. Nice exterior, an inner fire. At the end of the day, I feel like my relation with LY was like a blood vessell ruptured.

Then, Shi Jie asked me and Hani if we wanted to walk home with him. At least he wants to lose weight. I'm happy for him. But, when I got home, I was so tired. I fell asleep. Until 12.04.

Found myself writing this.
(See Hannan, you're a fucking loser. No one fucking cared about you. They are not your friends. You keep saying so. You're a fucking idiot. Loser. Wake up and smell the fresh air of betrayal. Bastard...)