Mr.Perfectionism

O'Level science practical tomorrow.
What's running through my head?
Fear? No.
Anxiety? Not really...
Both? Perhaps.

Perhaps the fear or not knowing whether I've done well. Perhaps the anxiety that I won't get things right. My perfectionist nature is coming out. Now that O levels are here, the real deal, my late boomer nature is released. Everything I have to remember, I'm remembering it now. Everything I once didn't know, I know it now. I'd like to get tested. I'd like to see how far I can get with my knowledge. It's this growing hunger to be perfect that I need to satisfy now.

But who can? With this much limited time, I wish Mr.Perfectionism came sooner. You bastard.

There's still much that can be done. Even if, I don't get an A for 5-6 subs (oh Mr Perfectionism you silly bastard.), at least I will be satisfied if I can beat my brother's result; two As. If that I can do, I'll be happy beyond this word happy.

I still can't deny the fact that I'm troubled by the practical later. This NEED to do perfectly for the practical is getting to me. So is my tummy as I write this. Another thing I've realised is that I've been having a writing drought. Yes, I haven't written in god long ages. This is probably the latest piece of writing I've done, albeit for a blogpost but hey, I'm using words to express myself. I fear that for my paper 1, the one word question will be a good one. Probably something I can make a nice story out of.

But those are the least of my worries. The only worry now is Maths. As of now, I have gotten these topics down:

Matrices,
Venn diagram,
Quadratic Equations,
Some algebra,
Vectors, (except the area qns)
Graphs (which for some reason i've managed to ace if I'm lucky)
Statistics (which is fuckin easy, unless I misinterpret the graphs.)

And you see? That's quite a lot already. However I'm looking at the paper 2 aspect. My paper 1 still is... so-so. I just hope that in these last few days before the maths paper and the following O levels, I can do fucking ridiculously well. As a final burst. Somehow please.

On another note.

Dear, when you look sad, I feel sad too. When I looked at you today, when you looked so shot down by the piercing tendrils of sadness, I felt it too. The aura that you perpetuate shows. I can see it. Don't be sad dear. Perhaps telling you that you're loved didn't help? I know you tried to smile at me today, but it seemed almost fabricated. Just speak your mind and your heart. Don't be afraid. That's what I'm here for.

Finally, to all the O'Level students, do your best. With your hands and fingers,in your power, give everyone that certificate that you're going to materialize with the words that Cambridge will question you with. In the end, what we do now, determines our ultimate future.

Oh, and don't bother giving a damn about saying the same to me. It's okay. We all don't care.

Found myself writing this.