F1 - OOHH. Fun.
1.5L Ice Lemon Tea - OOOHHH SUGARY!
Continued to today.
No sleep. Brought handphone to school today again.
On the way to school, I came to realise my mind was extremely sharpened for absorbing information. On the way too. It turns out, music, can prepare the mind for school. Certain kinds of sounds can invoke certain waves that the brain produces, one of them being prepared for absorb information. And at that time, I was telling myself about comprehending all about Literature, Maths, Science, basically anything that would come at me.
Got to school, chilled out a bit, but I couldn't find anyone to sit down with and just talk.
That was bad.
Assembly. Mars, awesome singing. You're offbeat and you're not focussed. I don't blame you, I know it's hard to sing in front of the whole school population (let alone dance in front of them.)
Anyway, afterwards, I was worried that if I fell asleep I would lose this... state of readiness. Indeed, I fell asleep, and I was lazy to learn all over again.
English. Got back test result. I got 8/20. I failed. I was happy. For a while. Mdm Saha couldn't believe it, she tried to find marks to give me, and did so. I had 10/20. There are a lot of other people who did better than me. Zi Song, Sherryl, Wei Qiao, Texan and even Boon Leng. Here I am with 10. This doesn't help me much, I'm caught in a stranglehold of two feelings; happiness and denial of failure. It doesn't seem to help when they both clash and leave me feeling like I'm choking on something. Talk about a clogged pipe.
Literature. Banana split, is that all they can ever think about? They call it an open coffee shop, I called it a new to sit down. What's wrong with sitting without conforming to the norm? Christiana and Rose make to big of such a deal for little things such as this. It's so bloody hard to listen with a brown two-pronged fork in front of you.
POA. Paid attention to what the Ma'am was teaching. She taught us Typical and Special balance sheet. Which wasn't hard to understand. But, she's right in a sense, she told us last time:
"The reason we take down notes is so that when we want to revise, we have something to fall back on."
"Because for some of you people, will forget this after a few days, some of you, WORST STILL, when you leave this classroom!"
And I finally know. I'm one of the latter. I had totally almost forgotten about Capital Owned/Employed/ Working Capital. I don't call myself an idiot just yet, but I find that my mind doesn't process this information and store it too well. It's as loose as taping strings on a wall. But hell, soon enough, melanin came in an overdose and overwhelmed me.
Recess. I sat down at my table lying down, I didn't intend to do much, just relax.
Initially I wanted to go to class with Jaz... but,
I was told to "go first." by Jaz.
I didn't take it too seriously the first time. So I went to class before Jaz.
MT. Got back the other paper we did for practice. I had a total of 12/70. Which is a dissapointment to me. Sharifah had about 27, Hazim the same as me. Ali was a little too quiet in class today.
History. Had class in 3E. The questions Ma'am let us practice on were quiet easy. And yes, Source E was sorta biased. From what I realise, Ms Suharti gave us a new perspective on how to tackle these SBQ questions and it really helped a lot. I would have never thought of looking at it that way.
Social Studies. Prior to getting to class, I wanted to wait for Allan and Jaz, but Jaz told me to go to class first again.
Then the idea came to me that I wasn't a good friend to Allan or Jaz. If so, why couldn't I stay behind to help? What was wrong with me? Am I being a bad friend? Did I fail as your friend? Allan is my good friend too, it doesn't mean I want to just stand by and let him sulk when his phone was stolen. But I was never even given a chance to stand by him for that. I feel like shit.
In class, I sulked, and sulked. I didn't give a damn about what was happening in class. So stop looking like you're fucking concerned.
Maths. Got back test paper. I scored 8/20. 2 marks shy of the safety line. Danial got 18, so did Jaz. Even Joyce, who normally failed, passed this time with 13. Even Siang Yee got 16. Whereas I failed. This doesn't fucking help the mood I was feeling. On top of feeling unreliable, I had to cope with barrages of failure coming my way, this one being the 4th one of the day.
Afterwards I felt totally fucked up towards everyone, and ignored them. I even retaliated and told them I didn't care.
So I say to you now, for those who said something to me today.
I'm so sorry to:
Allan
Jaz
Danial
Christiana
Hui Juan
Sheridin
Terrence
Ai Ping
Ivory
Bee Ping
Texan
Seah Cheng
Rui Yi
and many others who I have missed out. I'm so sorry that I didn't say hi back or showed you how ticked off I am today. I am truly sorry. I really want to apologise Rui Yi for smacking his hand away in public, for that I feel like a true jerk. I don't deserve friends like you all.
Found myself writing this.
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