Nostalgia

Good morning,

Its almost as if I forgot that I even had at a blog at all.

I only came to realise that I had never posted a single entry for this entire year. Where did all my expression in writing go to? I could write. Expressing myself with words was not a difficult thing for me to do. Well maybe at this point in time it is now because the letter c on my keyboard that I am using is spoiled so I have to input ctrl+v to get that fucking c.

Jokes aside, I have not had much to remember 2016 by in this blog. Perhaps blogging has outgrown me. That maybe my thoughts see no need to be placed in the realm of the internet. That these thoughts could not gather people willing enough to care enough to read it. I know I still do have lovely close friends who would be eager to listen what I have to say here, but fact of it is, the only value it has to anyone else, are those who really do love me beyond any condition.

It made me think, why would I want people who I do not even know to even read this? It does not mean anything to them. Maybe I long to be heard. But everyone does yearn to be heard.

I simply have so much to say at this point in time of being 23, having done so much that I would never have envisaged when I was younger. This blog in itself has mapped and logged my thoughts since I was 15. Yet to think, I become 25 in only 2 years time. It is almost unfathomable to even take in the fact that this very blog itself, is about to become a 10 year essence of my life. Though, it is only largely reflected in words that I have painted over time. Whatever value it gives to anyone is really all up to them.

Even so, I ask myself why am I writing this now? Why did I suddenly decide to click compose and start pouring my thoughts out? What was it, really? I will tell you, that it was because of post on Facebook that I saw. Jenny Neo who taught me chinese dance shared something that piqued my interest. About a girl named Xinlin Khaw. Dropping her name here warrants me nothing, but mentioning it is the truth that I am allowing you to see.

At first, I wondered about this pretty face and its significance to my other friends. Then, just as I was looking at her profile, I saw she had a bloglink, to blogspot. Duh. True enough, her blog meant nothing to me, until I saw her post about her Jc life. It was apparently the same post I had read back in 2010 or 2011 when I had my A level results and was really confused about what to do with it. Truth be told, my results were not anywhere as good as hers, standing at a straight c's for H2s with a pathetic E for H1 Maths (trust me I am not cut out for math) and B for GP. But what struck me about reading the post was a shot of nostalgia of 2010. Re-thinking what did I get out of my 2 years in Innova. I see no need to explain anything but if you really wish to know, go ahead and dig up my posts back in 2010 or 2011.

I do not know exactly what I want to get out of writing this post, other than the fact that a pretty dancer caught my eye and it just so happened that her blog was popularly poignant (HAH! THAT ALLITERATION). I guess you could also say I am in a state of nostalgia. Though, then again I am really happy to be where I am now. I realise that blogs, social media of whatever medium can never truly reflect your current state of being, other than simply recording it in time for the cyber realm to remember. Unless it gets erased, its a mark of you, in a virtual world. Which is surprisingly enlightening and oxymoronic to me.

Think about it, we put so much effort in documenting our lives in little vignettes on Facebook/Twitter/Instagram/Blogs. All of which belong to the virtual world, a world that we created that is not truly tangible. Perhaps in that light, we are really putting our hopes on an unreal world to remember our real moments. Thank you, I have been inspired. I have written everything in constant train of thought without any real planning but now I have an idea that my inner artist can use and play with. Or maybe I should be thanking Jenny Neo and/or Xinlin Khaw for allowing my to get to this state.

Now that I have come to this point, I guess I should release myself for this mini-catharsis and see what I make of it. Not too sure what would happen if I let Miss Jenny read this, but there is no harm otherwise. I hope anyone who read this has enjoyed my musings and perhaps may get inspiration as well. Alright I will really detach myself now. Get myself of blogger right now, open up a game and just allow myself to be.

Found myself writing this.