Denial

Could barely sleep at all.
Chionged work the whole morning.
Couldn't sleep that much at all.
I went to lie down on the bed once. But I was awoken by worry and an excruciating pain in my tooth. The worst part is that the pain can come at anytime and it can last indefinitely. Also, accompanying the pain in the tooth is accelerated excretion from the salivary gland.

Meaning, with that pain, the mouth will create more saliva without my intention of it.

I got so worried, I only managed to finish Chemistry and most of History. I feel like I'm already up against a wall and in chains.

It could not have had been made worse. But somehow it did.

Assembly. Peek-a-boo! Many briefings today. They had anti-bullying campaign this week. I doubt there's any bullying in school. Except for the mental torment I have to go through. Oh, and Youth day celebrations. Sigh. I think I lost my youth in primary school so I really can't celebrate that day.

Everytime I ask if something's not right, I would be right, but there won't be anything they'd let me do to help. So what's the point of me asking if I can't offer any help?

Literature. Did Essay questions on The Martyrdom Of Helena Rodrigues. Did mine on the tables nearby. It's just not worth it I'm thinking. I couldn't think of anyone else but all of you. But there you are, forgetting who I am in one corner. Or is it me, who has forgotten myself?

MT. Received a paper on Malay language. I mean really. The paper was about Malay Language. How it seemed to be dying. I thought I was the only one who realised. But it seems like as if my Malay Language was dying too, just like me.

POA. Had a new POA teacher. She taught us on doubtful debts. Like the doubt I had. No islands, but plenty of drifting from two worlds.

Recess. Brought my history textbook, went to the library. Before I even got in, saw Aloysius leaving, and he asked me if I got a user for the school computer, and apparently I've been told I've saved them for their project. Sigh...

English. Mr Ang came into our class today. We had our Film Enrichment Project Presentation today. First group was Aloysius' group. Theirs had a lot of grammar/spelling mistakes but I liked their poster. It's very well done.

Afterwards was my group's presentation. The laptop had some problem picking up Kok Wee's file. Heh. After 10 minutes of hassle, we could finally see the file.

Our presentation. Was. Sigh. Hmmph.

Afterwards was Darren Chua's group. I wasn't too convinced to watch the film, I only know a story, but not even a snippet of any scene in the movie.

History. Took a test. Test wasn't difficult. But I doubt I will score well.
Later still had a good 15 minutes for lesson. Darren Ang gained notoriety here. Talk too much. Trying to get attention obviously. Being very funny at it too. I don't know what to say.

Physics. Fell asleep for a while. Mr Kerk kept waking me up. I did only some of the work. Not all of it.

Maths. Fell asleep for a BRIEF moment. Then got a worksheet on Trigonometry. I don't know, somehow, I am actually struggling to find the answers. I just can't seem to see through these questions. Not yet maybe?

Folkdancing. My mood was ruined. Then it got on to island from there. And there he thought he had friends. But nothing. His friends didn't care. They cared only for themselves. Not him. Last thing to be concerned about. Pushing out the people who only PRETENDED to care. Your cushioning pillow for me was NEVER THERE.

It didn't matter to him what happened later. Whatever it was. He felt denied of the many things in life. OBS, now Superband. Denial. Perhaps there's a bigger light through all of this? No, nothing could top a combination of those 2. Not even friends. Which he found he never really had any.

He went home with them nonetheless. But only a few steps behind them. He never sat on the bus. Because he knew there were no seats for him in the hearts of other people.

He went home. Feeling like a dried ocean. What was once there just seemed to be dried up by a sun.

And fell to slumber in half uniform.

Then found himself writing this.
(I WAS RIGHT YOU BASTARD. THEY DIDN'T CARE. YOU SHOULD GO KILL YOURSELF. NO ONE IN THE WORLD WOULD LOVE YOU, SO GET THEM TO STAB YOU A 100 TIMES OVER!)