And I wanted to drink something, some milk. But, there was only one carton left, and I thought of my little brother. So I left the house without breakfast. That's a first.
I tried to get there as early as possible to meet up with Jaz to study Physics.
He ask me to get there at 6.00
I got there 6.20
Then when I got there, I couldn't find him, so I slept under of those 3 tables.
I sleep there like so nice. Then when he finally saw me, I didn't have much time to revise Physics with him.
Assembly. I sat down and then... I was... upset.
I sat down there, suddenly my feelings contention turned into one of being upset. Why? I have no idea. Must be someone. Suddenly it started to rain. Cannot even study Physics with rain. Rain, please come back when I study GEOGRAPHY.
Pre-English Paper 2.Only had a few minutes to study somemore Physics before the test started.
Mr Lim told 3F to line up according to register number. I sat down there.
The feelings that came before came up again. He was deep in thought. There, he sat right next to Angelica and Christiana in front of the class. He tried to channel some emotion elsewhere. He tried to meditate to control emotions. But Christiana and Angelica got the wrong idea. They thought he was sleeping. Like adding oil to a burning fire, it only made it worst. Even made worst so were 3G students merely looking at him like a freakshow. Some laughed. Some looked on. Some not giving a fuck at all. That was great.
English Paper 2. He seemed to have been to preoccupied by what he tried to do and what happened when he tried to do it, it only seemed to make him feel under the clouds. He wasn't feeling right. The paper seemed like nothing to him. "Perpetuity? FUCK YOU!" He did the test was strong feelings of contempt.
He even found time to write a draft summary. It was supposed to be the actual summary, till he improved it and wrote it on new paper. What happened to the old one?
After the time was up, he saw something that infuriated him. And decided to rip the old summary to pieces. It was a true feeling he wanted to do. But could not. He just ripped it to smaller pieces. Anger was a driving force. Not even 2 words or a greeting. Rage.
Breaktime. He found time to study Physics. But he hid all his feelings so well, no one could tell if he really was angry. Back at the side of the hall, he found time to revise with Jaz. For he was cool.
He was so cool, he taught him how to do a cool trick on the calculator, one he later found invaluable.
Physics Paper. He still had his feelings of rage in check. But not blatantly obvious. When he merely glanced through the Physics, paper, he regretted not studying the night before. This infuriated him as he could not achieve "at least 65% for MYE." in term 2 goals. As the Physics paper progressed, he had to be fed up about having no eraser. He actually used his own skin to rub off the pencil writing of the OTAS. That hurt. A lot more, FUCK ray diagrams. It did not make much sense to him.
After the paper, he saw something else to be angry about. With that, he ripped up another hapless foolscap paper. Fury was really in control. What infuriated him even more was not being able to go off when his class should have.
He took his bag and kept a look of discontent and anger. Later, he gave the OBS form to Mr Michael Chua, and he asked "are you from aesthetics group?"
To which he said "ya."
Mr Michael Chua said "sorry, all aesthetics group CANNOT go."
It was because there was one rehearsal during the whole 5D 4N thing.
It's just one rehearsal
It's just one rehearsal..
It's just one FUCKING REHEARSAL!
ONE FUCKING REHEARSAL!!!
And at that last line, rage made his voice it's own. It didn't make him feel any better.
The rest of the day was him masked by anger.
"So many things to be angry about."
"So many things to be sad about."
"NOTHING to be
He spoke to no one, no one dared to speak to him. Crystal could only ask why. But she doesn't read his blog much. So she pretty much asked the wrong question.
On the bus home, no chance of redemption. Anger, fury, aggression had won over him. He has consigned to rage.
He got back home. And tried to get some sleep.
Late one night. A good friend of his, had a good talk with him.
"When there is no one else, there's always god."
He kept rebutting how he tried to make him feel better.
Soon when he was just about to give in, his efforts of trying to console him worked.
It made him feel better.
He has him to thank.
"There's always god."
He found himself writing this eventually.
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